If we got real, would they believe?

We want the youth to venerate the hoary head, but what incentive do the have to do so?

We hide our age in order to look young again and many times wind up looking foolish. We dye our hair in shades we never saw within our youth. We cover wrinkles or stretch them tight or maybe fill them with carnuba wax. We hide our mistakes, those experiences that were to be used to teach the young and pretend our lives were filled with only pretty things and happy times.

If we awoke one day, wrinkled and gray,
And told of times not too long ago;
Would it keep the young from going astray?
Would it be possible to tell them what we know?

To admit to them that once we were young and foolish;
To admit to them that we once were filled with spit and vinegar;
To admit our chastity was frayed, torn and foolish;
To admit that we drank from the bitter pills of lust and anger?

To tell of dreams we once had?
To tell of aspirations gone bad?
To tell of love fleeting and lost?
To tell of love stolen and past?

To tell of conquering fear of the unknown?
To tell of living on the edge of the town?
To tell of giving more than we had?
To tell of loving enough to let go?

To tell of poems written on the sly?
To tell of a gift that would never return?
To tell of a heart that never said goodbye?
To tell of a Saviour Who would never leave?

If we got real, would they believe?

 

Shalom!  Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem!

The Tipping Point!

I just had an epiphany!  For years I wondered what that moment in time was that turned me away from being a "good girl" into a wild thing that didn't care who, what, when or where. That moment that changed my life happened a day or two after my high school graduation.

You realize, of course, that I am 62 years old and quite frankly I would have thought I would have figured this out many years ago. BUT, I didn't. BUT, now I have. 
 
That moment I have remembered so vividly for 44 years never clarified itself until this moment. All through school nothing I ever did was good enough.  I got A's and B's but even when I got an A, it should have been an A+.  All through high school I took courses that groomed me for that glorious day when I would FINALLY walk out of that misery and into college and a new life.  I had struggled to keep my nose and everything else clean and would finally go to college and begin a new life.

A day or 2 after graduation, my mother and my step-father came out to the front yard where I was working on something and they wanted to talk to me.

And here is what he said, "Your mother and I don't have the money to send you to college..." and he paused.  In that pause, however brief it may have been, I thought about the College that had accepted my application and would get me a job to help me pay for tuition.  I wasn't stupid.  I knew they had no means to pay my college tuition.

Before I could speak, he continued, "We thought you'd get pregnant and drop out. We just never thought you'd graduate."

I have told that much of the story before, but somehow had never realized what they had done to me, or rather what I allowed that moment in time to do to me.  I was speechless.  My whole life was suddenly a lie.  The dirt under my fingernails was suddenly worth more than this piece of flesh called, Pam.

It was that moment that told me that every time my mother told me I could do better, she really didn't mean it.  She had never believed it.   It was just something she said because mothers were supposed to say that.  I suddenly became even more worthless than moments before.  The dreams I had of going to college ruptured and bled out on the sidewalk like a huge brain aneurism.

My last hope was to join the Navy and settle for what I could get.  Three months later I went for my physical and had to spend the night in a hotel.  I was raped in the hotel.  My first intimate encounter and it just had to be that way.  I was too ashamed to tell anyone and I thought I deserved it.  
 
During the physical the next morning, the doctor saw it and called the female recruiter to show her.  I got dressed and she told me that the Navy was not the right place for me and I was rejected.  The why was never mentioned.  No one wanted to ask me what had happened.  I put my High School diploma and my Beta Club certificate in my suitcase and left.
 
That was the tipping point.  I was worthless to everyone and I might as well get used to it.  Anyone could do anything to me and it was okay.  I could be used, abused and thrown away and no one cared, not even me.

It took me almost 25 years, 2 psychiatrists, 3 counselors, a psychologist, years of therapy and lots of crappy living to realize one solid thing.  I never needed my mother nor my step-father nor anyone else to lift me up.

What I needed was THE LORD JESUS CHRIST!  Then my life fell into place.   It made sense.   I was worthwhile to GOD ALMIGHTY and what the rest of the world and everyone in it thought didn't matter a whit!  As long as I please GOD, the rest of the world can jolly well dance.

Shalom!  Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem! 
 
:-)

The tipping point?