Devoted to Depression

I did not write anything yesterday because I was depressed.  I went shopping instead. Probably not the best thing to do, because I get to see all the bright, shiny things I do not have.  Mind you, I do not want 99% of them, but still it is a reminder, especially if it tells you, "Your life will be better if you buy this."  I did not buy a bunch.  I have a limit when I do that.

I guess the main reason I got depressed or regressed is that I still miss my job.  They tried to convince me that I did not like my job and the people that I worked with when they fired me, but they were lying.  They just wanted me gone because I was old and had principles.  They wanted someone who thought like them and would have a disregard for the law and the employees.

I am still angry about what they did to me.  I am angry because I had no control over it.  I was thrown away like the trash and with less regard than what they do with their trash.  I have not been the only one.  They have done it to others who are older like me.  They did it because they think they will be better off without us old geezers to get in the way of their progress.

They claim to be Christians, yet they work their people on Sunday.  They claim to be Christians yet they force their office staff to go to Bible studies during work hours and berate them if they do not make it.  They claim to be Christians yet they toss their wives aside for other people and for the job.  They claim to be Christians, yet they gossip about their workers violating not only God's law but Federal law as well.

They claim to be Christians yet their actions speak far louder than their claims.  They go to Israel with their select group of pastors and say how enlightening it is, but then have indiscretions when they return.

They claim to be Christians, yet they lead a double life and it gets increasingly difficult to know which one is their true self.

I claim to be a Christian as well.  Sometimes if you catch me on a bad day or a bad moment, you would hardly believe it.   I know what it is like to be misjudged.  I think that is probably why I excused a lot of the activities when I worked there. 

In spite of it all, I miss working with many of the people.  I miss that structure.  I do not miss many of the things they wanted me to do.  It just was not worth it.  I worked more than 60 hours a week most weeks for the 2 years before I was fired.  They did not appreciate it when I was doing it and they certainly did not appreciate it when I stopped doing it 2 weeks before they fired me.  The last 2 weeks I only worked about 45 - 50 hours a week.

So, I still get depressed when I think about my job.  I spent 16 years 5 months and 4 days with people who cared as little for me as they do used toilet paper.  Yesterday was the first time that I have been able to drive by their office without getting enraged, so I guess I am making progress. 

I had to disrupt my counseling sessions due to some medical insurance problems, but I hope those problems will be straightened out soon because I really need those sessions.  She is a good Christian counselor and helps me stay on track.

I would appreciate it if you would pray for me.  He is the greatest Counselor.  Pray for me to be closer to HIM for that is what is truly important.