The Conversation

I do not know how the conversation got started, but sitting at the table in the restaurant, I found myself trying to defend my view of the age of the earth.  The gentleman with whom I was talking was stunned that I actually believed that the earth was created by God and was a relatively young earth.

"But what about all of the evidence supporting billions of years?" 

"I don't believe it."

"But it's true."

"How do you know?"

"Because of all of the scientific evidence."

"How can you be so sure that their research is correct?  There is enough evidence to refute their findings that I cannot believe they are correct in saying that the world is billions of years old."

He laughed at me.  He did not do it as a loud guffaw, but more as a look.  You know that look.  That is the one where the eyes start to roll and are checked in progress and shut instead; where the chest draws that exasperated breath and the head wags left to right ever so slightly.  That is the laugh I speak about.  It is not the laugh that is publicly embarrassing. 

It is the one that says silently, "This person is stupid."

We have all seen it and we've all used it.  Why do we do that?  Mostly to keep from getting into a raging argument when we know we are right.

The problem arises, not during the innocuous dinner conversation with an acquaintance, but when we use this type of thing during arguments, I am sorry, discussions with our spouses.  That is when the conversation turns to suspicion.

"I saw that!"

"What?!"

"That look!"

"What look?!"

"You know what I'm talking about!"

Of course, you know what they are talking about, but you are not about to admit doing it.  Because if you do, there is another rabbit trail to go down with a lot of dead rabbits along the way.  So why do we do it?  Why do we give them that look?

I can think of many reasons, but mainly I think we just get tired of the word war and we want to take a rest from it.  Instead it just escalates.  This might be the time when you should do what all good sports coaches do and call for a time out. 

Before you ever start arguing, have an agreement with your spouse to fight fair.  Have a word or a phrase or a motion that says, "I am tired.  I am afraid that if I continue, I will say or do something stupid that will be hurtful and I do not want to hurt you.  Can we continue this tomorrow at 8:00 pm?"  Or something like that.

Have a white flag on a stick so you can wave it.  Or throw a towel on the floor to show that it is time to let up and continue later when both are rested.  Things look better when you are rested.

Don't go to bed angry and unresolved, but set a time to discuss hot-button issues instead of stewing about them.  It helps.