The Letter

     At 17 she was looking for her father.  Her mother got an occasional child support check from the child's father and it appeared that since he had never relinquished custody that he could send money whenever it suited his needs.  Her mother knew nothing of the lengths that she would use to find her father.
     She found the last child support check laying on the table and wrote down the name and address of the bank.  She then called the bank but got no information from them, not even a promise to let her father know she wanted to contact him.
     Not knowing exactly what to do, she contacted the Sheriff's Department to see if they could tell her something.  It was not that she wanted anything in particular from the man, she just wanted to know that he still loved her and cared what happened.  The letter to the Sheriff was simple.  She was looking for her father and wanted to know if he was still living.  She thought if that was the question, she would get some kind of answer.
     The Sheriff did indeed answer and it was short and to the point as well.  It is just too bad that the Sheriff's letter arrived the day after her father's letter to her.

"October 10, 1966

Dear Miss  D******:

An officer of this department has contacted your father.
He assured our officer that he would get in touch with
you immediately.

No further action has been taken by this department.

Very truly yours,
C****** J. P*******, Sheriff"


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                                         October 9, 1966
******,
     We have just moved from S*******, C****.
As we were closing our account at V*****
F*******, the bank informed us that you
have been making inquiries as to wheather
or not I was alive, etc.  I can assure you
that I am very much alive; and, furthermore
young lady, it isn't any of your business
where I am or what I'm doing - or where I
live!  If we wanted to hear from you we
would have sent you our address.  Every
time you wrote, it was complaining about
what a sad life you had.  Well, you're just
about 18, and you can make of your life
what you wish - good or bad!  I wasn't very
happy as a child either, but I didn't look
to my parents to give me instant happiness!
As ill as I have been, you should be grateful
you get your check every month + L***** has
been good enough to write the check out!
     We gave you several chances to live
with us like a human being, but you obviously
preferred another way of life so now you're stuck with
it.  Sorry about that chief.   A******** D******

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It was handwritten and took up one page.  Nothing could have prepared her for the anger and total lack of love that was in that letter.  Never in her wildest imagination did she think her inquiries would anger him.  The love that she wanted from him was not there and never would be.  She wanted to invite him to her graduation and let him know how she was doing, but that would never be.  She would graduate with no card, no congratulations from her father.  She would try desperately to forget that he existed.

Looking back at the letter, thoughts of L***** came to mind.  The chance to tell him that L***** was a pedophile that sent pictures of his child to his ex-wife and who knows where else would never happen.  L***** would never have to concern herself about his daughter telling about the men that came to visit while he was on the road working.  Those several chances were precisely one and if living with a pedophile was living like a human being it was hardly worth the cost to trade one child molester for another.  Having a step-father after her was a little more palatable than having her step-mother after her.  That is choosing the lesser of two evils.  Neither was a good choice.  One just had a more comfortable life style, but at least she knew one thing for certain.  Her mother definitely loved her.  That was the big difference.  At one place she knew she was loved by at least one person.

His daughter would never tell him how she was crushed by his letter.  She would never tell him that.  She would never tell him that it never mattered how many awards and pieces of paper he would get throughout his life because the only piece of paper connected to him that mattered to her was The Letter.

The Letter was a statement of how he felt about his daughter.  It was permanently etched upon her heart and his indifference seared upon her soul for life.  There would be no reconciliation, ever.  

She would contact him again.  There would be a different wife but the results would be the same except that the hostility would be more open, more tangible.  She would contact him again and find yet another wife only this one would be a woman that she would come to love and wonder what she possibly could find attractive about her father.

She would try to have a relationship with this man, this sperm donor who created a child with her mother, but The Letter would always be between them and would never be resolved.

Men, if you think you have no influence upon your daughter, you are very wrong.  Don't write her some vile piece of trash no matter how badly she behaves nor how much she whines because one day, she will grow up and you will see that she truly is a wonderful woman and you will be glad that she is your daughter and you will want to know her and enjoy her company and the grandchildren she will give you.